Purpose: My Writings

Writing was never an activity I actively engaged in until I reached High School. I will spare the details here, but I started writing for an audience that enjoyed what I wrote and so I wrote for them. That idea of writing for people who enjoyed my words formed a major basis for the reason I started writing this blog in fact. I thought my words had meaning and power behind them and so I wished to share my words to anyone that wanted to listen. Writing started out as a means for me to communicate myself to others, but now it has gained an even greater purpose: as a way for me to understand myself.

I previously felt that I should post to keep my site up to date and that if I start with a significant quantity of posts then I will eventually get viewers. If I have a variety in my posts I will eventually get viewers. Now the problem here is that I was still writing for an audience. While that is not a problem, technically, it did nothing for me starting out because of the fact I had no audience to speak of. Even now, I have a very small, incredibly small, actually, readership. The difference is that now I have no problem with that. The purpose of my writing has been transformed from writing something enticing to readers, to writing something clear and meaningful to myself.

If you would think that not writing for an audience would cause my blog to lose readers, you would not be alone in thinking that. I held the exact same notion that to gain an audience I must write for an audience. Within the past month I realized something very important. The kind of audience I want to read my site is one that has people similar to myself. Therefore, if I want to gain a dedicated audience I should write solely about things that are meaningful to me.

By thinking in this manner, I am no longer writing in order to hopefully gain/keep readers. I am writing posts of substance for myself. I used to start writing a post and then when I finished I would think “good enough” and post it up. I almost never edit a post I write though I oftentimes throw it out and rewrite it entirely—an editor I am not, I used to have people read/edit my writings but I do not for this site nor will I.

The words I write carry my tone, they carry my direction and the exact intention I wish to dictate. While my writing may have the feel of me stumbling along as I uncover some truth of reality accidentally or by laboriously reaching it, that is what I want. I want that honesty in my words.

My blog was featured on Anthony Johnson’s site back on April 10^th, and this is what Anthony said about the blogs that he linked to: “I have identified the following blogs as a part of The Dream Lounge network — blogs by men who share the same, absolute sense of life I do on this blog, and men who blog regularly about topics similar to my own.”

At first I felt that I was “not worthy” of joining his ranks since I looked up to him greatly, and I still do admire him. After some profound reflecting, what I find was that the reason I look up to him is because he reflects the best within us—he is a person that makes me search for the best within myself. The best within me is a man with an absolute sense of life, infinite possibilities, and a drive to move the earth. What I write on this site is the expression of that man: it is the journey of that man breaking out into this world. Therefore, my writings may not be frequent, but from now on I swear to myself, that everything I post will have purpose. So then, what of my other writings?

Since January I have been writing almost daily to myself and those Reflections are seen only by my eyes. They are more or less written essays/entries/journals to myself as I am growing, challenging myself, and learning how to live. I continue to write because of the fact that it allows me to express myself, organize my thoughts, restructure my mind, challenge my thoughts/beliefs, and to create.

Writing has become a means for me to deconstruct myself and to reassemble myself into a more definite shape. It allows me to create a physical manifestation of my thoughts and to organize them in a more coherent manner that allows me to reread and reflect upon my past selves. At least at this stage in my life I never wake up as the same person I was when I went to sleep the night before. Every day I feel different, I notice growth, a shift in personality, or a change in drive. I am never exactly the same, and so I chronicle my daily “adventures” for future reference if need be.

So to me, writing is a way for me to express myself and understand who I am at a specific point in time. It is a way for me project the person I am slowly (sometimes rapidly) transforming into. It is a way to manifest my (developing) absolute sense of life into the world, where there is a chance that other men in the same position will read my words and then take up their own course along a similar path. It is a way for me to look back at the person I was and to remember all the steps that have brought me to where I stand today. It allows me to write a story of my life, to become the hero of my own story—of my own fight for my life. Writing is not only an escape from the world at times, but a way to fight against everything that should not exist in it. Writing for me is how I declare the truths in my life and how I make sure I am living to the standards that I accept as reality. Writing is an extension of myself, and is a method for me to manifest the force within me into this world.